The Bitter Husband (Don't Be That Guy)

Not only are husbands commanded to love their wives, but also to avoid being bitter toward them.  "Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them (Col 3:19)."  Below are some common ways that husbands are bitter (harsh/cruel) toward their wives.

1) Being physically abusive. When Paul listed the qualities of a godly man in 1 Timothy, one is that he is “not a bully but gentle (1 Tim 3:3).”  The word “bully” literally means a “striker.”  A Christian man should never hit a woman, much less his wife.  

2) Being verbally abusive.  There are a number of ways this can play out.  Yelling and hollering at your wife.  Calling her hurtful names.  Insulting her.  Criticizing her.  Cutting her down. 

3) Committing sexual sin.  Adultery, pornography, etc.  

4) Withholding affection.  Your wife needs both physical affection (non-sexual touching, such as hugs, kisses, holding hands), and verbal affection (words of affirmation, adoration, and appreciation).  

5) Depriving her of sex.  See 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

6) Ignoring her sexual differences.  Remember that men are microwaves and women are crock pots.  If you want to have sex in the evening, you must begin romancing your wife first thing in the morning. 

7) Holding on to distasteful habits.  "Love is not rude (1 Cor 13:5)."  Burping, passing gas, picking your nose, bad hygiene, dipping, smoking, etc.

8) Behaving in ways that hurt her.  Knowingly acting in ways that cause her emotional pain, such as making fun of her in public, or neglecting your physical health, or gawking at other women.

9) Holding her to unrealistic expectations.  Expecting her to be Martha Stewart in the kitchen and Scarlet Johansen in the bedroom.  Remember, you don't have the money of a Bill Gates, or the body of a Dwayne Johnson.

10) Spending too much time away from home.  Your wife wonders, "Why did I marry a man who I never get to spend time with?"

11) Acting like a dictator.  Making major decisions that affect your wife without consulting her.  Remember, “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved (Matthew Henry)."

Your wife is God's best gift to you.  Don't be bitter toward her.  Treat her like the princess that she is, and she will treat you like a prince.