Six Commitments Every Christian Single MUST Make

If you are a Christian single (unmarried) and you want God's best for your single years, your dating relationships, and your future marriage, then you MUST make the following six commitments.

First, only marry a Christian (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14-18).  The Bible is unambiguous about this.  An unbelieving spouse will hinder you from being fully-devoted to Christ, and from raising kids to follow Jesus.  Let me be clear.  It is a sin to marry a non-Christian.  But don't settle for the first professing Christian who comes along.  You should only marry someone who is as serious about Jesus as you, and who holds the same theological convictions.  In his book The Purity Principle, Randy Alcorn advises singles, "If you're a Christian, date only Christians.  If you're a committed disciple, date only committed disciples."

Second, only date a Christian.  Why?  Because dating leads to marriage.  If you date a non-believer and things get hot and heavy, and you fall in love, then marriage will be a real temptation.  It happens all the time.  In fact, this is why you should immediately break off any dating relationship as soon as it becomes clear that they are not marriage material.  Dates become mates.  As well, a non-Christian will not fully share and support your goals for sexual purity.  For more on why Christians should not date non-Christians, see my previous blog post here.

Third, save sex for marriage.  The Biblical standard for sex is clear:  Never before marriage, never outside of marriage, and never with the same sex (Heb 13:4; 1 Thess 4:1-7).  Remember, your body belongs to God, and He demands that you save it for your spouse (1 Cor 6:18-20).  When you date, it is not enough to avoid sex; you must avoid behaviors together that tempt you to have sex.  Don't flirt with temptation, run from it (2 Tim 2:22).

Fourth, don't live together before marriage.  This should be obvious, but if you want to save sex for marriage, then living with your boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage is off limits.  Besides, cohabitation (as it is called) leads to all sorts of problems.  Those who live together before marriage are less satisfied sexually after marriage, are less satisfied with their marriage overall, and are more likely to divorce than couples who do not.

Fifth, honor your parents (Eph 6:1-3).  Your responsibility to honor your parents never goes away, even as an adult.  God has given you parents to help you make wise decisions.  Their wisdom and experience are invaluable.  Involve them in your choice of a date and a mate.  Remember, your spouse will become their family member; the parent of their grandchildren.  They should get a say.  If your parents (and other friends and family members) don't like your choice of a date or a mate, then that's a HUGE RED FLAG!  To persist in a relationship that your parents are adamantly opposed to is against God's will and will only hurt you down the road.

Sixth, prioritize your relationship with God (Mt 6:33).  God promises to meet your needs if you will put Him first.  He will bring along the right person at the right time.  But if you neglect your walk with Christ, then you will run into several huge problems: (1) You will become discontent and try to fill the void with a relationship and/or sin rather than God.  (2) You will have a diminished sensitivity to God's voice as He tries to guide you to the right person and away from the wrong person. (3) You will have decreased strength against sexual temptation.  

Remember, just because you are single doesn't mean you should be dating right now.  Before you ask, "Whom should I pursue?" ask the Lord, "What should I be doing with my single years?"  God may not want you to date right now because He wants you to focus on something else -- like spiritual growth, or ministry, or career training/education.  God wants to lead you not only in whom to date, but when to date, and what to focus on in this season of your life.

Making these six commitments will protect you from many pitfalls and set you up for success with dating, sexual purity, relationship with God, and your future marriage.  But only you can make them.  Friends and family can help you keep these commitments, but nobody else can make these commitments for you.