What is Marriage?

Recently I ran into a friend at the gym, and he told me that he was in a serious relationship with a woman.  I asked him if they were thinking about marriage, and he said no.  He didn't want to get married for two reasons.  The first reason is that he didn't understand marriage.  When I asked if they were thinking about marriage, he asked, "What is marriage?"  His first marriage ended in divorce, and he learned from that experience that he didn't know what marriage was.  In other words, why get married?  Why not just date and cohabitate?  What's the difference?  The second reason he didn't want to get married is that he didn't know how to make marriage work.  His divorce left him wounded and scarred, and he didn't want to experience that again.  So, I thought, if the church can just answer those two questions, more people would get married, and more marriage would last.  In this post I will answer the first question -- What is marriage?  In the next post I will answer the second question -- How do you make marriage work?  

The Bible teaches that marriage is not a man-made institution, but that God created it.  We can't just make up our own definition of marriage.  We must get our definition of marriage from the Creator.  The good news is that in the Bible God has clearly defined marriage for us.  In a nutshell, marriage is the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime.  But in this post I want to provide a fuller definition of marriage.  The biblical definition of marriage has eight aspects.

The Eight Aspects of a Biblical Marriage

One, marriage is a permanent union.  Jesus said, “… what God has joined together, let no one separate (Mt 19:6).”  Marriage is intended to last until death; divorce is not an option, except in cases of infidelity.  

Two, marriage is a monogamous union.  Jesus said, “… and the two will become one flesh (Mt 19:5).”  Marriage is not the union of three people, or of two couples; it is the union of two.  

Three, marriage is a heterosexual union.  Jesus said, “… he who created them in the beginning made them male and female (Mt 19:4).”  Two men or two women do not equal a marriage.  Marriage is the union of a man and a woman.

Four, marriage is an exclusive union.  The Bible says, “Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled (Heb 13:4).”  Marriage is the only allowable context for sexual intimacy, and spouses are not to deprive each other of this privilege (1 Cor 7:3).  

Five, marriage is a primary union.  Jesus said, “… a man will leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife (Mt 19:5).”  Once you get married, your spouse becomes and is to remain your most important relationship after God.  Your spouse is to come before parents, children, and friends, and even self.  

Six, marriage is a complementarian union.  In a biblical marriage, the husband and wife, while equal in dignity and value, have different roles.  The husband’s role is to love and lead, and the wife’s role is to submit and support.  The Bible says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:22, 25).”  

Seven, marriage is a beneficial union.  Marriage is not the “ball and chain” that it is often portrayed to be.  The Bible says, “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Pr 18:22).”  Studies show that married people live longer, and are healthier, happier, and wealthier.  Studies also show that children do best when they are raised by their married biological parents.  Marriage and parenting are God’s two greatest blessings this side of heaven.  Marriage benefits couples, children, and society at large.  

Eight, marriage is an illustrative union.  God didn’t create marriage only to foster human flourishing, but also to illustrate the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In writing about marriage, the apostle Paul wrote, “This mystery is profound, but I am talking about the church (Eph 5:32).”  The husband’s love is to illustrate Christ’s sacrificial love for the church, and the wife’s submission is to illustrate the church’s reverential obedience to Christ.