Is Rudeness Wrecking Your Marriage?
One of the most basic, most elementary, simplest expressions of love is that when somebody asks you to stop your bothersome behavior, you stop. It's also one of the most basic social skills needed in relationships.
This is how we teach our six kids between the ages of 10 and 4 to get along with one another. "When somebody says, 'Stop,' what are you supposed to do?" we ask. And their answer is, "I'm supposed to stop." Then we usually follow up with this: "How many times should they have to ask you to stop?" The answer we're looking for is, "Once." Simple, right?
Yet this is the problem with many struggling marriages today.
Do you know what that's called? Rudeness -- it's when you know your behavior is bothersome, yet you persist. Many marriages are crumbling because of rudeness. That's why the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5, "Love is not... rude." The key to marital bliss is love. And perhaps the most basic expression of love is that when your spouse tells you that your behavior bothers them, offends them, hurts them, irritates them, is a turn-off, do the loving thing and STOP. Don't attack them for being offended. STOP. Don't try to rationalize and justify and demand your rights. STOP. Or else you are rude. Plain and simple.
And rudeness will wreck your marriage after it breaks your spouse's heart one too many times.
This is how we teach our six kids between the ages of 10 and 4 to get along with one another. "When somebody says, 'Stop,' what are you supposed to do?" we ask. And their answer is, "I'm supposed to stop." Then we usually follow up with this: "How many times should they have to ask you to stop?" The answer we're looking for is, "Once." Simple, right?
Yet this is the problem with many struggling marriages today.
- Husband tells wife, "That behavior bothers me." Wife replies, "I don't care. You have behaviors that bother me."
- Wife tells husband, "It is a big turn-off when you do that thing." Husband replies, "That's ridiculous. You shouldn't feel that way. I have a right to act this way."
- Husband tells wife, "I wish you wouldn't act like that; it offends me." Wife responds, "You're too sensitive. The Bible doesn't say I can't do that." Round and round they go.
Do you know what that's called? Rudeness -- it's when you know your behavior is bothersome, yet you persist. Many marriages are crumbling because of rudeness. That's why the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5, "Love is not... rude." The key to marital bliss is love. And perhaps the most basic expression of love is that when your spouse tells you that your behavior bothers them, offends them, hurts them, irritates them, is a turn-off, do the loving thing and STOP. Don't attack them for being offended. STOP. Don't try to rationalize and justify and demand your rights. STOP. Or else you are rude. Plain and simple.
And rudeness will wreck your marriage after it breaks your spouse's heart one too many times.
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