Single and Lonely?

Christmas can be a wonderful season, but if you're single it can be a terrible season of loneliness.  This Christmas season my heart goes out to the many singles in our church.  None of the singles I know feel called to singleness; none feel called to a life of celibacy; all hope for and look forward to marriage and children down the road.  And the Christmas season has a way of making singles feel especially lonely. So let me try to offer a few words of encouragement and counsel for this difficult season.

First, understand that if you are not happy when you are single, then you will not be happy when you are married.  Marriage makes happy people even happier.  But it makes unhappy people even more miserable.  Why?  Because these unhappy people are dependent upon their circumstances for happiness.  They haven't learned how to find happiness in Christ, regardless of their situation.  They are looking for happiness in a person, and that's a very dangerous pursuit.  The fact is that marriage is often unfulfilling; your spouse will often disappoint you and fail to meet your needs and expectations; your spouse will hurt you, annoy you, and frustrate you.  If you have not learned how to depend on Christ for your happiness, then you will only be happy in marriage when your spouse is perfect, and they never will be.  Bottom line:  Don't be fooled into thinking that marriage will take away your loneliness and unhappiness.  Instead of looking for a relationship, make it your priority to discover happiness and contentment in Christ.  When you get to the place where you are happy whether marriage is God's plan for you or not, then you are ready for a happy marriage.

Second, let me assure you that there's nothing wrong with you.  There are plenty of married people who are much more sinful than you, much more selfish than you, and much less attractive than you.  So in that sense, there's nothing wrong with you.  The fact that you are not married yet simply means that it hasn't been God's plan for you to get married yet.  That's all.

Third, don't lower your standards.  When you are lonely, and when you feel like your window for marriage and children is rapidly closing, it can be very tempting to lower your standards and to settle for less than God's best.  This is very common and it would be a huge mistake.  It is much better to be single than to marry the wrong person. 

• Don't settle for anything less than a fully devoted Christian who is active in church and is of a similar theological background.  If you are a Baptist, then do not marry a Roman Catholic.  Devout Catholics makes great spouses... for other Catholics, not for Baptists. 
• And don't settle down with someone unless you find them completely and totally irresistible; unless you can't live without them. 
• And don't marry someone if your family, your church family, and your best friends are all screaming at you, "DON'T DO IT!"

Fourth, remember that God has a purpose for this season of your life.  Don't waste your singleness by feeling sorry for yourself and daydreaming about marriage all the time.  Don't waste this time by dating a bunch of losers, living in sin, and acting like a perpetual teenager.  There's a reason God has you where you are.  The purpose of singleness is to prepare for marriage, to serve God, and to grow as a Christian.  Use this time to read the best books on marriage.  Finish your education.  Get out of debt and get your finances in order.  Learn all you can about parenting.  In other words, focus on becoming the kind of mate that you dream about.  You should be so busy serving God and preparing for marriage that you don't have time to get lonely and depressed.  Then when God brings the right person into your life, they will be attracted to you, and you will be prepared for a happy, healthy, and prevailing marriage.