How Christian Wives Can Develop Their Inner Beauty

1 Peter 3:3-4 (CSB) says, "3 Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry, 4 but rather what is inside the heart.”

Wives tend to make three mistakes when it comes to their outer beauty. 

First, some wives focus solely on their outer beauty and almost completely neglect their inner beauty.  These are the women who spend a ton of time and money on clothing and jewelry and makeup; and they might spend a ton of money on diet products; or they might spend a ton of time at the gym.  But they invest very little time, energy, and money on their inner beauty.  But that’s what Peter is saying wives shouldn’t do.  Outer beauty should not be your only or even your primary focus.  There’s something much more important.  There’s something much more effective at strengthening your marriage. 

Second, some women deny the importance of outer beauty.  They think their husband is a jerk if he cares about physical beauty, and he should just love her like she is.  But that’s a mistake.  That’s like a man saying, “I’m going to stop worrying about my odor and hygiene, and she better love me anyway.”  That’s just foolish.  Your physical appearance matters.  Don't neglect it.

Third, some women try to build a great marriage by focusing all their attention on developing their husband’s inner beauty.  That’s not going to get you very far.  And that’s not what the Bible says to do.  To build a great marriage, build your inner beauty. 

Why does God command you to focus first and foremost on your inner beauty?  

It's important to understand and believe that any time God tells you to do something, it’s good for you.  Why does God command you to focus first and foremost on your inner beauty?  Because it’s good for you.  It’s good for your marriage.  Focusing on your inner beauty will add more value to your marriage than focusing on your outer beauty.  God is saying that your inner beauty will attract your husband in a deeper, more powerful way than your outer beauty.  God’s not telling you this for His good; it’s for your good.  But you have to trust Him.

The Limits of Outer Beauty

Outer beauty is not irrelevant or unimportant, but it is very limited in what it can do for you. 

  • Outer beauty can attract your husband, but it can’t help you build intimacy.  
  • Outer beauty can turn your husband on to you, but it can’t turn your husband on to Christ (it can’t inspire your husband spiritually).  
  • Outer beauty can motivate your husband to chase you, but it can’t motivate your husband to not chase other women.  Many women think that they key to preventing their husbands from being unfaithful is to focus heavily on outer beauty.  But that’s not true.  Your husband will appreciate your efforts to be physically attractive, but remember, even men who are married to supermodels are sometimes unfaithful.  Tiger Woods’ ex-wife was a Swedish model, and he cheated on her multiple times.
  • Outer beauty can’t help you when you have conflict; or when you go through adversity together; or when you have money problems.
  • Outer beauty might help you start a marriage, but it won’t help your marriage last.  Many beautiful women see their marriages end in divorce.

You need more than outer beauty to build a healthy marriage.  You need more than a pretty face if you want to finish the race.  You need inner beauty. 

So how do you develop your inner beauty?  

The Bible gives women five virtues to work on right away in 1 Peter 3:1-6.  A virtue is a morally excellent behavior.  Here they are:  Submission.  Purity.  Reverence.  Gentleness.  And quietness.  If you want to build a great marriage, then develop these five things in your heart.  These are five ways to attract your husband at the deepest level.

Join me tomorrow as I define these five essential virtues. 

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