Should Christian Wives Ignore Their Outward Appearance?

1 Pet 3:3-4 (CSB) says, “3 Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry, 4 but rather what is inside the heart.”

At first glance, this sounds like Peter is saying that wives should not worry about their physical appearance, or that a wife’s physical appearance is not important.  

That’s not what Peter is saying.  

Here’s what Peter is saying to wives.  Outer beauty should not be your only focus, or your primary focus.  

Let me illustrate with the words of Jesus.  In Matthew 6:19-20 (CSB) Jesus said, “Don’t store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”  Now at first glance it seems like Jesus is saying that we shouldn’t have any money in savings, or that we shouldn’t keep anything of value; we should just give it all away.  But is that really what God wants?  Don’t save up for emergencies?  Don’t plan for retirement?  Don’t have any assets to your name?  No.  Because we know that elsewhere in the Bible it talks about the importance of savings, and of financial responsibility, and of planning for the future.  So what does Jesus mean?  He means earthly treasure should not be your only focus, or your primary focus.  He is saying that there is something much more important than storing up earthly treasure, and that is storing up heavenly treasure.  Don’t get so focused on storing up earthly treasure – saving up, planning for retirement, enjoying your money – that you forget about what’s most important – storing up heavenly treasures by investing in the kingdom of God.  

Peter is saying something similar to wives.  He isn’t saying that physical appearance is unimportant, or that wives should completely neglect their physical appearance.  He is saying that outer beauty should not be your only focus, or your primary focus.  

Let me say this about a wife's physical appearance.  Is it important?  Yes.  

Men are visually stimulated.  Men are attracted by sight.  For the majority of men, their wife’s physical appearance is very important.  It’s just a fact; it’s reality.  You would be foolish to try to defy or ignore this principle.  Dr. Willard Harley, the Christian marriage counselor and author of His Needs Her Needs, lists the five most important emotional needs of a husband.  One of those five is his wife’s physical beauty.  Your physical appearance is important to your husband.  

Now some Christian women might say, “That’s horrible.  My husband shouldn’t care about my physical appearance – how much I weigh, or how I dress, or how I paint my face.  He should just love me unconditionally.”  

Let me explain it like this.  As a general rule, bad smells are a turnoff.  Bad hygiene is a turnoff.  Women care about that stuff.  Would you love your husband if he neglected his odor and his hygiene?  Yes you would love him.  But would you want to snuggle with him on the couch?  Would you want him in your bed?  Would you want to stand next to him in public?  No!  Or at least it would be hard.  You might have to hold your nose.  It’s similar with your physical appearance.  If you neglect your physical appearance your husband will still love you.  Should!  But you will put a strain on your relationship.  You will be more like friends than lovers; more like roommates than soul mates.  

So Peter isn’t saying that physical beauty isn’t important, or that wives should neglect it.   Physical beauty should not be your only focus, or your primary focus.  

Why?  There’s something more important to the health of your marriage.  There’s something more important to the happiness of your husband.  What is it?  Go back to 1 Peter 3:3-4.  “3 Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry, 4 but rather what is inside the heart.”  The thing that’s more important, that should demand the majority of your attention as a wife is what’s inside the heart; your inner beauty.  In other words – your character.  Your character is the combination of your conduct and convictions; your behavior and your beliefs.  It’s the inner you.  It’s your morality; your attitude; your spirituality.  That’s infinitely more important than your outer beauty.

So here’s what Peter is saying in this passage.  To build a great marriage, develop your inner beauty.  

Do you want to improve your marriage?  Work on your inner beauty.  Work on your character – your conduct and convictions; your behavior and beliefs.  Work on the inner you – your spirituality, your attitude, your morality.  Don't neglect your physical appearance.  But be sure to keep things in perspective.  Your inner beauty is far more important to the health of your marriage then your outer beauty.

Tomorrow I will explain some practical ways to improve your inner beauty.  

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