The Biblical Definition of Marriage

I am officiating a wedding this week, so the topic of marriage is on my mind. 

Why is our culture so clueless about marriage, when God has spoken so clearly?  Could it be that the pulpits are silent?  It is not uncommon for preachers to talk about how to have a healthy marriage, but pastors seldom teach on the Biblical definition of marriage.  This silence is not due to ignorance, but cowardice.  Doctrine divides.  It separates the sheep from the goats.  It offends.  More and more preachers are taking the Joel Osteen Approach -- only encourage and lift up.  Translation:  "Avoid preaching about anything that is controversial, or politically incorrect, or offensive, or that might cause people to leave the church." 

But the Biblical definition of marriage is quite simple to understand, for anyone who wants to know God's opinion.  We can boil it down to TEN PARAMETERS OF BIBLICAL MARRIAGE.  Any relationship that does conform to this definition is not a real marriage.

ONE:  Marriage is monogamous.  One man and one woman, not one man with multiple wives; not multiple men with multiple wives.  "... and the two will become one (Mt 19:5)."

TWO:  Marriage is heterosexual.  Not homosexual.  "... he who created them in the beginning made them male and female (Mt 19:4)."

THREE:  Marriage is sexual.  A marriage is a sexual relationship.  This is what distinguishes a marriage from other close relationships.  Not only is marriage the single relationship in which we can enjoy the gift of sex, but the Bible forbids married people from withholding this gift from their spouse (1 Cor 7:5).   "... and the two will become one flesh (Mt 19:5)." 

FOUR:  Marriage is exclusive.  The Bible forbids "open relationships," or "swinging."  Sex is only for the context of marriage.  "Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers (Heb 13:4)."

FIVE:  Marriage is primary.  It is the most important human relationship on earth.  Marriage comes before parents, siblings, friends, and children.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife (Mt 19:5)."

SIX:  Marriage is permanent.  God forbids divorce.  "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate (Mt 19:6)."

SEVEN:  Marriage is covenantal.  It is not merely a contract between two people, but a vow to each other and to God.  Even if the couple does not believe in God, God recognizes their marriage and will hold them accountable.  "... what God has joined together (Mt 19:6)." 

EIGHT:  Marriage is missional.  Marriage has a three-fold purpose.  1) To display the glory of the gospel.  The husband's love and the wife's submission are a visible sermon of the relationship between Christ and His church (Eph 5:22-330.  2) Human happiness.  Marriage is one of God's greatest blessings to mankind.  "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper corresponding to him (Gen 2:18)."  "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Pr 18:22)."  3) To procreate and raise the next generation for God.  "God wants husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit.  Why?  So that they would have holy children and protect that spiritual unity (Mal 2:15, ERV)." 

NINE:  Marriage is submissive.  God commands both the husband and wife to submit in marriage.  The wife must submit to headship -- the husband's leadership.  "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord (Eph 5:22)."  The husband must submit to sacrificial love.  "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (Eph 5:25)."  This leads to practical applications like Dr. Willard Harley's policy of joint agreement -- "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse."

TEN:  Marriage is oneness.  In marriage, they are no longer two, but one.  Everything is shared.  Independence is gone.  The bed is shared.  Money is shared.  Property and possessions are shared.  Decisions are shared.  Secrets are shared.  Feelings are shared.  Trials are shared.  Successes are shared.  Dreams and goals are shared.  God is shared.  "Since they are no longer two, but one flesh (Mt 19:6)."