The Biblical Definition of Marriage

One of the problems I see with most contemporary preaching on the subject of marriage is that pastors skip over the definition of marriage and just deal with the strategies for a happy marriage.  This is why so many Christians have a shallow understanding of Biblical marriage.  God created the institution of marriage, and He has given us specific instructions for it.  If we want to glorify God and get the most out of marriage, then we need to know and follow the Manufacturer's guidelines.    

The following are ten parameters of Biblical marriage.  

1) Marriage is monogamous.  One man and one woman, not one man with multiple wives; not multiple men with multiple wives.  Matthew 19:5 "... and the two will become one." 

2) Marriage is heterosexual.  Not homosexual.  Matthew 19:4 "... he who created them in the beginning made them male and female." 

3) Marriage is sexual.  A marriage is a sexual relationship.  This is what distinguishes a marriage from other close relationships.  Not only is marriage the single relationship in which we can enjoy the gift of sex, but the Bible forbids married people from withholding this gift from their spouse (1 Cor 7:5).   Matthew 19:5 "... and the two will become one flesh."  

4) Marriage is exclusive.  The Bible forbids "open relationships," or "swinging."  Sex is only for the context of marriage.  Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." 

5) Marriage is primary.  It is the most important human relationship on earth.  Marriage comes before parents, siblings, friends, and children.  Matthew 19:5 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." 

6) Marriage is permanent.  God forbids divorce.  Matthew 19:6 "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." 

7) Marriage is covenantal.  It is not merely a contract between two people, but a vow to each other and to God.  Even if the couple does not believe in God, God recognizes their marriage and will hold them accountable.  Matthew 19:6 "... what God has joined together."  

8) Marriage is missional.  Marriage has a three-fold purpose.  1) To display the glory of the gospel.  The husband's love and the wife's submission are a visible sermon of the relationship between Christ and His church (Eph 5:22-330.  2) Human happiness.  Marriage is one of God's greatest blessings to mankind.  Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper corresponding to him."  Proverbs 18:22 "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."  3) To procreate and raise the next generation for God.  Malachi 2:15 (ERV) "God wants husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit.  Why?  So that they would have holy children and protect that spiritual unity."  

9) Marriage is submissive.  God commands both the husband and wife to submit in marriage.  The wife must submit to headship -- the husband's leadership.  Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."  The husband must submit to sacrificial love.  Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her."  This leads to practical applications like Dr. Willard Harley's policy of joint agreement -- "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse."

10) Marriage is oneness.  In marriage, they are no longer two, but one.  Everything is shared.  Independence is gone.  The bed is shared.  Money is shared.  Property and possessions are shared.  Decisions are shared.  Secrets are shared.  Feelings are shared.  Trials are shared.  Successes are shared.  Dreams and goals are shared.  God is shared.  Matthew 19:6 "Since they are no longer two, but one flesh."