Don't Date Until You are Ready for Marriage

My advice to Christian singles is to wait until you are ready for marriage to begin dating.  In other words, if you are a freshman in college and you know you don't want to get married until you finish college -- even if Mr. Right comes along -- then don't date; wait until you are ready for marriage.

I'm not saying that you should wait until you meet Mr. Right to start dating.  You have to date to find out if he is Mr. Right.  I'm advising that you don't date until you are ready to settle down with marriage and children.

I admit that this is not normal, but do you really want a normal dating life?  Let me describe normal dating in America:  Date anyone you find attractive, engage in every kind of sexual behavior, move in together when things get serious, break up, and repeat with a different person.  Not exactly what God wants for Christian singles.  Unfortunately, even many Christian singles are living this way.

In fact, there is a new behavior to add to what's normal for singles in America -- hooking up.  Hooking up is when you are just looking for a sexual encounter with no strings attached and no relational baggage.  Here's how it works:  Using a hook-up app on your phone, you find someone who checks your boxes, meet for a sexual encounter, and then go your separate ways, never seeing each other again.  You're just using another person's body to gratify your sexual desires.  This is the new normal for singles.  Is that what you're looking for?  I didn't think so.

As a Christian single, you should have the following goals:  1) Remain sexually pure.  2) Be as productive as possible during your years before marriage.  3) Don't get married until you think you are ready to settle down, and until God tells you to.  

Here's the question:  What's the best way to achieve these goals?

This is exactly why my advice is to wait until you are ready to settle down for marriage and family before you begin dating.  This is not a Biblical command, but I think it is the wisest way for Christians to date for a number of reasons.  Let me explain.  

First, dating leads to marriage.  If you are not ready to get married but get in a very serious dating relationship, you may end up getting married prematurely.  Believe me, it happens all the time.  It's like going to the mall when you're trying not to spend any money; don't be surprised if your emotions lead you to make an unwise/untimely purchase.  If you're not ready to get married, then don't do the very thing that leads to marriage.  

Second, dating can distract you from what you should be focused on.  If you know that you are not ready for marriage, it is because there are things that God wants you to accomplish that would be difficult when if you got married.  Maybe it is working on your spiritual maturity; maybe it is a special ministry assignment; maybe it is your education.  A serious dating relationship will take up much of your time, energy, attention, and resources, in much the same way that marriage will.

Third, dating requires resisting sexual temptation.  The longer you have to deny your sexual desires, the harder it gets.  If you fall in love before you are ready for marriage, then you will have a longer season to wrestle with temptation and deny your natural sexual appetite.  If you save dating for when you are ready to settle down, then when you fall in love with Mr. Right you can get engaged and then get married.  You will have a much shorter season of self-denial.  Randy Alcorn wrote, "Beware of the 'moral wear down' of long dating relationships and long engagements.  Once young people and parents agree on marriage, it’s dangerous to wait longer than necessary (see 1 Cor 7:8-9)."

This was the decision that I made when I was in college, and by God's grace, He saw me through.  In my third year of college I sensed the Lord telling me that it was time to begin dating to find a spouse. I met Lydia through the church.  As we served in ministry together and hung out together with other friends, we got to know each other on a deeper level.  Then I asked my parents what they thought of Lydia, and then I asked her if she wanted to date.  We started dating right before my senior year in college, and we got married in my last semester of college.

Again, this is not a command from scripture, but I believe it is wise, and I believe that if you pray and think it over, you will probably come to agree.  

Comments

  1. After almost 50 years of marriage, we can see God's guidance and leadership in this plan. He wants the very best for all of us through obedience. Please consider this and pray about it.

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