Should Christians Date Non-Christians?

Someone recently asked me, "Why shouldn't Christians date non-Christians?"  If you are looking for a verse for or against, then you will come up empty, because dating wasn't a thing in Bible times.  However, we can search the Bible for principles that will bring clarity to this question.  Here are eight reasons Christians should NOT date non-Christians.  

First, dating a non-Christian can lead to marrying a non-Christian.  The Bible is very clear that Christians should only marry Christians (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14-18), and marriage always follows dating.  I know two things about your future spouse.  It will be someone you are dating, and someone that you are in love with.  If you date an unbeliever, you risk falling in love with them, and then you will be tempted to marry them.  Dating an unbeliever is like signing up for Cable TV because they are offering one month free, even though you know you can't afford it.  After one month they will have you hooked, and you won't be able to cancel.  This is why you should only date a person if they are a potential mate -- even if it is a Christian but you know you wouldn't want to be married to them.  When you date someone, you risk an emotional attachment that can lead to marriage.  If you don't want to want to get burnt, stop playing with fire!  J. D. Greear wrote, "If you are a Christian, you should never date or marry someone who is not a Christian.  You should be dating to find your partner for marriage and life. For a marriage to truly work, you have to open up and share the deepest parts of yourself. If you are committed to Jesus and your partner is not, when you open up this part of your life to them, they’re not going to understand it, and you will feel violated. When you are married to someone who does not share your same fundamental beliefs, then your life is going to feel like two people rowing on opposite ends of a boat in different directions, pulling two different ways. This will apply in making decisions, managing money, raising children—in every area of your life together—and it will leave you constantly misunderstood and at odds."

Second, non-Christians are a part of the "world," and the Bible forbids Christians from loving the world and friendship with the world (Heb 11:7; James 4:4; 1 Jn 2:15-17).  To date a non-Christian would be to love and befriend the world, a direct violation of these commands.

Third, dating a non-Christian would make you worldly.  The Bible commands us not to be conformed to the world (Rm 12:2; James 1:27), and non-Christians walk according to the ways of the world (Eph 2:2).  Unlike Christians, they crave physical pleasure, are driven by covetousness and greed, and are obsessed with their status and importance (1 Jn 2:16).  Non-Christians march to the beat of a different drummer; they have different values, morals, and goals.  Even if they don't realize it, they are a part of the world system controlled by Satan that is opposed to God.  These values will rub off on the Christian.  

Fourth, dating a non-Christian will corrupt your character.  The Bible says to avoid close friendships with non-Christians because "bad company corrupts good character and morals (1 Cor 15:33)."  Your aim may be to imitate Jesus, but you will also become like the person you are dating.  "A little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough (Gal 5:5)."  If you sleep in the sewer, you are going to smell like the sewer.  J. C. Ryle wrote, "Perhaps nothing affects someone’s character more than the company he keeps. We are influenced by the ways and tone of those with whom we live and talk, and, sadly, we get harm far more easily than good. Disease is infectious, but health is not. If a professing Christian deliberately chooses to be closely acquainted with those who are not friends of God and who cling to the world, his soul is certain to be harmed.” See also Job 34:8; Ps 1:1; Ps 26:4-5; Pr. 4:14-15; Ps 119:115; Pr 13:20; Pr 24:21.

Fifth, Christians are commanded to choose Christian friends, and your boyfriend/girlfriend will become your closest friend.  2 Timothy 2:22 (NLT) says, “Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”  Thomas Brooks (1608-1860) wrote, “Let those be your closest companions who have made Christ their main companion.”  Brian Tracy wrote, "Your choice of a mate and friends will have as much or more to do with your success and happiness than any other decisions you make."

Sixth, a non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend will tempt you to compromise on your Christian convictions, and the Bible commands us to run from temptation (2 Tim 2:22).  Because they have different values, morals, priorities, and goals, they will pull you away from Christ, even if they don't mean to.  You will want to be very active in church; they will not.  You will want to save sex for marriage; they will not.  You will want to spend your time in Bible study and prayer; they will not.  You will want to avoid certain kinds of entertainment; they will not.  You will want to tithe; they will not.  You will want to listen to Christian music; they will not.  Remember, it is not enough to avoid sin; we must also avoid temptation, or we have committed a second sin. 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts.”  Craig Groeschel wrote, "As Christ followers, we simply choose not to date or marry nonbelievers.  It’s not because non-Christians can't be admirable or moral people, but because ultimately they’ll have different inner lives.  Different values.  A different vision for what life means at its core.”

Seventh, dating a non-Christian will hinder you from full devotion, and the Bible commands us to "lay aside every hindrance (Heb 12:1)" -- to throw off anything that would hinder us from full devotion .  Consider the fully-devoted life.  Christians must train themselves in godliness (1 Tim 4:7).  Christians must "cleanse ourselves from every impurity of flesh and spirit, bringing holiness to completion (2 Cor 7:1)."  Christians must glorify God in all that they do (1 Cor 10:31).  Christians must seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Mt 6:33).  Christians must love God with all that they are (Mt 22:37).  With this in mind, do you think dating an unbeliever will help you or hinder you?  GotQuestions.org wrote, “Having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them.”

Eighth, dating a non-Christian will dishonor your Christian parents (Eph 6:1-3).  When you grow up and move out you no longer have to obey your parents, but you will always be required to honor them.  If you have devoted Christian parents, then more than anything else they want you to marry a godly Christian who will encourage you in the faith, and who will help you to raise up godly offspring.  Dating a non-Christian will bring deep grief to your parents -- a grave sin. 

I like how evangelist Clayton King put it.  "It is never a good idea for a Christian and an unbeliever to pursue a romantic relationship. It is equally foolish to date someone who is in a completely different place in their walk with Christ. Avoid becoming the counselor or discipler of the person you are dating. Also avoid “missionary dating” where you fall in love first and then try to lead them to Christ.”

In other words, not only should you avoid dating a non-Christian, but you should also avoid dating  uncommitted and immature Christians.  Your relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important thing about you.  Only date a person if they will help you grow closer to Jesus.