How to Find a Good Wife

Elizabeth Elliot's classic book The Mark of a Man is a must-read for all young men in their teens and twenties.  It's all about the concept of biblical masculinity (what it means to be a man).  Near the end of the book she provides a short checklist of the essential qualities to look for when you are hunting for a wife.  This is obviously a helpful list for young men, but also for young ladies who aspire to be a godly wife and mother.

First, femininity.  Elliot writes, "She ought to be glad she’s a woman.  If she’s angry or uncertain about her femininity, it usually shows in her dress and manner… A real woman has accepted the given: her femininity.  This is an act of faith.  She accepts the place her femininity gives her in God’s world.  She knows she was made for man, from man, brought to man by God, and named by him.  She does not covet the not given.  A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise.”

Second, faith.  “A Christian woman acknowledges Christ as her Lord and Master.  In so doing, she places herself under obedience, which means that whatever the Lord says to do, she is bound by.  Since the Bible says she is meant to adjust, adapt, submit to, and respect her husband, she seeks to do those things as to the Lord.”

Third, a sense of humor.  “She must know how to laugh – first of all at herself.  That’s a saving grace… Find someone who does not take herself so deadly seriously… People who can’t laugh at themselves are very hard to live with because they are cherishing exaggerated ideas of themselves and their own importance.”

Fourth, family first.  This is a woman who will put marriage before career, and put her career on hold while she is raising kids in the home.  In other words, a woman who values and desires the role of a homemaker.  “Any woman you consider for a wife ought to be willing to put her husband and her children first: above her own interests, including a career… If she considers a career as important as, or more important than, marriage, don’t marry her… Trying to mix marriage and a career can be difficult enough.  TRYING TO MIX CHILD REARING AND A CAREER IS IMPOSSIBLE… There is no greater service to humanity than the rearing of a Christian family.”

Fifth, a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pt 3:4).  Not loud.  Not nagging.  A woman who does not complain and argue (Phil 2:14), nor yell and holler (Eph 4:31).

Sixth, a woman who knows that love is not a feeling.  Feelings “are no anchor for marriage.  The love that sustains a marriage, and is sustained by marriage itself, has to be action.”  You need a wife who will continue to show you love regardless of how she feels, regardless of her mood, regardless of your performance.