6 Commitments of Highly Effective Marriages -- Part 4 | Priority

Effective marriages are committed to the priority of marriage.  After their relationship with Jesus, their marriage comes before any anything and anyone else.  

This comes from Jesus' ancient teaching on marriage, that a "a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Mt 19:5)."  The King James Version uses the terminology of leaving and cleaving; a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.  Before marriage, your parents are the most important people in your life.  And since people are more important than things, then your parents are more important than anything in your life.  But when you get married, your priority switches from your parents to your spouse.  There is a transfer of allegiance.  Your marriage becomes the most important thing in your life, even before your parents.

At least, that's how effective marriages work.  But many marriages break down at precisely this point.  They attempt the cleaving without the leaving.  They try to have a healthy marriage without putting their marriage first, and it never works.

Many people are fascinated with the Bradys.  Not the Brady Bunch, but celebrity couple Tom and Gisele Brady.  Tom Brady is tall, handsome, rich, and the most successful quarterback of all time.  And Gisele is a beautiful, wealthy, successful super model.  They got married and had kids, and everyone ate it up.  But to everyone's surprise, Gisele left Tom and they recently got a divorce.  Why?  Tom had promised Gisele that he would retire after the 2022 season, which he did, but then he broke his promise and came out of retirement to play another season.  That was the final straw, and Gisele left him.  At that point, many men would have reversed course and said, "Okay honey, you win.  I'll quit."  But amazingly Tom Brady stuck to his guns and chose football over his marriage. 

To have an effective marriage, you must put your spouse before your parents, before your siblings, before your children, before your friends, before your career, before your hobbies, etc.

You may think your marriage is your priority, but what does your spouse think?  That's all that matters.  If your spouse isn't convinced that they are the most important thing in your life, then you have some important work to do.