6 Commitments of Highly Effective Marriages -- Part 3 | Selflessness

Highly effective marriages are committed to selflessness.  They are devoted to pleasing their spouse.  They are committed to making each other happy.  

This principle comes from words of the apostle Paul.  "But the married man is concerned about the things of the world -- how he may please his wife... But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world -- how she may please her husband (1 Cor 7:33-34)."  

In this passage Paul is making the case for singleness.  If you remain single, he says, "you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction (1 Cor 7:35)."  You can give your single-minded devotion to the cause of Christ.  However, if you are married, God isn't your only concern because you must not only focus on pleasing Him, but on pleasing your spouse.  Paul's point here is not to teach on marriage, but he makes a huge point about marriage in passing.  He says that your responsibility in marriage is to please your spouse.  This is what marriage is supposed to mean.

If you consistently make your spouse happy, they will come to find you irresistible.  The opposite is also true.  If you consistently make your spouse unhappy, they will come to hate you.  Highly effective marriages understand this.  They are devoted to making each other happy.  They aim to make each other feel good, and they avoid making each other feel bad.

Let me give you some practical examples of what this looks like.  If your husband doesn't like tattoos, then don't get a tattoo.  If your wife doesn't like cigarettes, then stop smoking.  If your husband likes it when you wear high heels, then buy some more pumps.  If your wife doesn't like your job, then find a new one.  If your husband doesn't like your cooking, then take some lessons and learn how to cook what he likes.  If your wife doesn't like your friends, then drop them.  If your wife doesn't like what  you watch on the TV, then change the channel.  And if your husband wants you to lose some weight, then go on a diet.  

This commitment requires selflessness.  To have an effective marriage you must be willing to give up your preferences for your spouse's; to give up your desires for your spouse's; to give up your comfort for theirs.

This is where many couples fail.  They don't understand why their marriage is failing.  They look at people who are happily married and say, "They're so lucky."  It's not luck.  It's selflessness.  You have to swallow your pride, die to yourself, and put your spouse's needs before your own.