How to Experience a Marriage Breakthrough

Does your marriage need a breakthrough?  In his book Experiencing Spiritual Breakthroughs, Bruce Wilkinson argues that the key to a marriage breakthrough is going back to God's blueprint for marriage.  It begins by understanding and embracing the God-given roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives.

He writes, "Your role defines your purpose and overall objective.  At work, your role might be manager, for example.  Your responsibilities, on the other hand, define how you carry out your job description.  Managers are usually responsible for organizing and assisting people to get work done."

God has specific roles and responsibilities for every husband and wife.

The husband's role in marriage is to be the head of his wife (Eph. 5:23).  Wilkinson writes, "Head means to be the one who is delegated the authority, the one who is responsible, the person in charge, the leader, the one who takes care of the needs of those beneath his headship."  He goes on to write that headship involves making sure your wife is "happy, content, well provided for, protected, and fulfilled."  

The husband's responsibility (an obligation for which you are accountable) in marriage is to love his wife (Eph. 5:25).  Wilkinson explains by describing the Greek word for love in the Bible, agape.  Agape may be entirely one-sided; it doesn't require reciprocation.  It is unconditional; it's not based on your wife's behavior, but on your inward commitment to her and to God.  It never ends.  It is not dependent on emotions or feelings; it acts whether the feelings are there or not.  As Wilkinson states, "Love is a choice, not an emotion."  And agape "always seeks to benefit the other, often at the expense of self."

The wife's role in marriage is helper (Gen 2:18, 22; 1 Cor 11:8-9).  He explains that "a helper is someone who comes alongside to meet the needs of another.  She supplies what is lacking, nurtures, protects, and lends support where the other is weak or faltering... When the husband has a need, the helper's role is to bring all of the resources possible to fulfill that need quickly and fully."  Wilkins explains that the husband's welfare is the wife's main charge, and the most important question she can ask him is, "How can I help  you better than I am doing right now?"

Wilkinson writes that the primary way that a wife fulfills her role is by being a good homemaker (Titus 2:4-5; 1 Tim 5:14).  The Greek word for homemaker in the Bible is a compound word.  The first word means "home," and the second word means "work" or "labor."  Elsewhere the wife's responsibility is described as managing the home, a Greek word that means controlling the house.  Does this mean a wife cannot work outside the home?  No.  But a wife's priority and primary responsibility is her husband, children, and home.

The wife's responsibility in marriage is to submit (Col 3:18; Eph 5:22-24; Eph 5:33; 1 Pt 3:1).  Wilkinson describes submission as following and supporting in love; affirmation, willingness, and unadorned loyalty; the loving will to follow.  Wilkinson points to the New Testament word for submission, which combines the words "under" and "to arrange together," so that the word means to arrange all parts underneath.  "The wife, then, is to arrange all the parts of her life under the headship of her husband."  Submission is far more than mere obedience, however.  Wilkinson says that "it's an attitude of wanting with all your heart and will to honor your husband."

While there's a lot more that can be said about the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives, and what it takes for a healthy marriage, the most important thing is laying the right foundation.  And that means going back to God's word and embracing the roles and responsibilities He has given us.