How to Date Without Screwing Up Your Life

I have six kids -- three teenagers, and three in college -- so I think and talk a lot about dating.  At the Manning household, we treat dating differently than most people.  I call it courtship.  It's old-fashioned, but I think it makes a lot of sense, especially for Christians.  If you want to avoid heartache and protect your purity, then follow these ten rules.  

10 Rules to Date Smart

1) Don't date until you are ready to get married.  In fact, this should be seen as the purpose of dating -- to find a spouse, not to enjoy romantic companionship.  Romantic companionship should be reserved for your spouse.  If you are not ready to get married -- financially, spiritually, age, etc. -- then you're not ready for dating.  When you date you will fall in love, and where your heart goes your body will want to follow.  If you fall in love before you are ready for marriage, then you will have a long and difficult battle with sexual temptation.

2) Get your parents' blessing.  In other words, get your parents' permission on when you date and who you date.  God has put your parents in your life to help you with life's biggest decisions.  If your parents don't want you to date someone, or don't think you are ready to start dating, honor them.  They are much wiser than you, and they want what's best for you.

3) Be friends first.  The purpose of dating is to discover if you should get married.  The purpose of friendship is to discover if you should date.  It's common today to skip the friendship stage and jump into a dating relationship.  But if you date before you get to know someone, then you will only be able to discover that you are incompatible after you have become romantically involved, and this always leads to heart-break and a nasty break-up.

4) Only date a strong Christian.  The Bible says that you should only marry a Christian.  Dates become mates.  If you don't want to marry a non-Christian, then don't date a non-Christian.

5) Only date someone if they are marriage material.  Again, the purpose of dating is to discover if you want to marry someone.  If you date someone you know you shouldn't marry, you might end up falling in love and marrying that person.  Don't enter a relationship with someone you know is not marriage material.  And when you are dating, break up as soon as you discover that you don't want to marry that person.  

6) Save sex for marriage.  Sex is only for the context of marriage.  Girls, if your boyfriend wants to sleep with you, he needs to marry you first.  If he doesn't want to marry you, then he doesn't deserve your body.  The more you give yourself away sexually before marriage, the less attractive you become to the type of person you would want to marry.  

7) Don't live together before marriage.  Cohabitation makes sexual temptation impossible, and it will make your marriage weaker.

8) Make a list of what you want in a spouse before you start dating.  This will help you to know what to look for and will save you a lot of time and heartache.  Your list should include three categories: 1) Non-negotiables; 2) important but not essential; 3) preferable but not important.  First make your list, and then put a 1, 2, or 3 next to each item.  

9) Make a purity strategy before you start dating.  The goal is to save all sexual activity for marriage.  Don't wait until you are alone together in your apartment to think about how you will stay pure.  That's too late.  Set up boundaries before you even start dating.  

10) Don't waste your single years.  Your single years are the time to work on your character and your relationship with God.  There are two spiritual goals you need to accomplish before you start dating.  First, learn how to be sexually pure (avoiding lust, pornography, masturbation, etc.).  Second, learn how to be happy.  If you can't stay pure and be happy while you are single, then you won't be able to stay pure and be happy in a relationship.