Bible Commentary | Ephesians 5:23

Ephesians 5:23 (CSB) “because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.”

head

Bruce Wilkinson writes, “Head means to be the one who is delegated the authority, the one who is responsible, the person in charge, the leader, the one who takes care of the needs of those beneath His headship.”  Experiencing Spiritual Breakthroughs

Headship does not mean:

• He makes all the decisions.
• He makes all the decisions alone.
• His wife is his slave.  Kostenberger “[Headship] is not akin to slavery where one person owns another.  It is not subservience where one person is doing the bidding of another without intelligent input or interaction.”  God, Marriage, and Family
• He always gets his way.
• He is the smartest.
• He is the most important.
• He is a despot or dictator.
• He is to force his wife into submission.

Kostenberger (God, Marriage, and Family) writes that headship means the husband has “the primary responsibility for the marriage union and ultimate authority over his family including his wife.”  He goes on to say that the husband's headship is borne out by several indicators in the opening chapters of Genesis.

• The man was already engaged in his task of subduing the earth by naming the animals prior to the creation of the woman.  Gen 2:19-20
• The man was the recipient of God’s command to keep the garden of Eden and not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Gen 2:15-17
• The man named the woman.  Gen 2:23
• God called the man, rather than the woman, to account for humanity’s sin, even though it was the woman who sinned first.  Gen 3:9
• Throughout the OT we see the pattern of male heads of households, a system which is commonly called “patriarchy (rule of the father),” but which is better described as “patricentrism (centered around the father).” 

Elizabeth Elliot writes about headship.  "Leadership means service, sacrifice, help, uplifting, redemption, and a cross.  Leadership is not meant to exploit, but to lift; not to exterminate, but to rescue; not to rend, but redeem; not to devour, but to carry; not for primacy, but for priority.  It means, in the last analysis, obedience, service, even death, for the sake of others.” 

Elizabeth Elliot “You want your wife to submit?  Then take a long, steady look at the sort of love Christ gave.  It was based on self-sacrifice.  That is the basis for authority.  It starts with sacrifice.  It is maintained by sacrifice.” 

Elizabeth Elliot “The idea of authority in the Bible has nothing to do with being bossy or domineering or pompous or conceited or tyrannical.  In fact, it has a great deal to do with servanthood.  It requires a deep and genuine humility… The offering up of oneself for the sake of others – this is the price of real authority.” 

Elizabeth Elliot "A leader is a man who does not groan under burdens, but takes them as a matter of course, allows them, tolerates them -- and with a dash of humor.  He knows how to keep his mouth shut about his difficulties and how to live a day at a time, doing quietly what needs to be done at the moment.  People will follow this sort of man."  The Mark of a Man

Elizabeth Elliot writes, “Four extremely important events illuminate where a woman stands in relation to man. I see in them who I am as a woman and who you are as a man."

1. She was made for the man. According to specifications, she was divinely designed to fit his needs exactly – an adapter, a responder.
2. She was made from the man, quite literally, constructed out of one of his own bones. He was her reason for being, her source, which is one of the root meanings of the NT word for “head.” If you miss the point in Gen 2, you can pick it up in 1 Corinthians 11: “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.”
3. She was brought to the man. God made a present of Eve to Adam, not of Adam to Eve. She was his.
4. She was named by the man. The Old Testament authority to name was of immense importance. It signified the acceptance of responsibility. He was taking charge.

Elizabeth Elliot says that we can look at how God created men to understand biblical manhood: 

1. Leadership.  The man’s anatomy teaches that He is an initiator.   
2. Protection.  The man’s biology teaches that He is a protector. 
3. Provision.  The woman’s biology teaches that she is to care for the children, which leaves the man to provide for the family.

In Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, John Piper and Wayne Grudem write, "[Biblical headship means] Christlike, sacrificial headship that keeps the good of the wife in view and regards her as a joint heir of the grace of life.”  They go on to point out what a head does for a body:

• It provides nourishment (through the mouth).
• It provides guidance through the eyes.
• It provides alertness and protection from the ears.  
• So, headship implies leadership, provision, and protection.
• “Husbands are called by God to take primary responsibility for Christlike servant-leadership, protection, and provision in the home….” 
• “In the home, biblical headship is the husband’s divine calling to take primary responsibility for Christlike leadership, protection, and provision.”

In Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Ray Ortlund Jr. writes the following about headship:

• “Man and woman are equal in the sense that they bear God’s image equally.”
• He defines headship as, “In the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction.”
• “In marriage the man heads the home for God and the wife helps him to fulfill the divine calling.”
• He describes male headship as “… selfless male headship, in which the man undertakes to serve his wife and family by providing the leadership that will glorify God and benefit them without regard for the price the man must pay to fulfill that responsibility.  Headship calls us men to lay down our lives for our families.”
• He adds, “There is no necessary relation between personal role and personal worth.”

In Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, George Knight adds, “It is virtually certain that in comparing the headship of the husband over the wife to the headship of Christ over the church, the apostle is using the term kephale for the husband as he does for Christ, namely, as one who has authority and is the leader.”

George Knight adds, “Paul emphasizes [in Eph 5:29 and Col 3:19] that the headship of he husband over his wife must not be negative, oppressive, or reactionary.  Instead, it must be a headship of love in which the husband gives of himself for his wife’s good, nourishing and cherishing the beloved one who, as his equal, voluntarily submits to his headship.” Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

To describe the type of headship to which a husband is called, Wayne Grudem points to 1 Peter 3:7, and calls it "considerate leadership."  In Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood he writes, “be considerate as you live with your wives is literally, 'living together according to knowledge.'"  Wayne Grudem continues, “The knowledge Peter intends here may include any knowledge that would be beneficial to the husband-wife relationship: of God’s purposes and principles for marriage; of the wife’s desires, goals, and frustrations; of her strengths and weaknesses in the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms, etc.  A husband who lives according to such knowledge will greatly enrich his marriage – yet such knowledge can only gained through regular study of God’s Word, and regular, unhurried times of private fellowship together as husband and wife.”

Grudem goes on to describe five aspects of considerate leadership:

1. Considerate leadership does not mean harsh or domineering use of authority.  He points out that the vies are described as the "weaker partner," which means they are weaker in strength and authority.  Husbands must not take advantage of this, using it for their own selfish ends.  It may also means “a greater emotional sensitivity,” in that they are often more likely to be hurt deeply by conflict within marriage, or by inconsiderate behavior.  
2. Considerate leadership does not imply equal sharing of leadership in the family.  Peter never suggests that husband should submit to their wives, or that the roles in marriage are interchangeable.  Grudem writes, “Considerate leadership is how the husband exercises leadership in the family; it does not contradict his headship.”
3. Considerate leadership does not mean always giving in to a wife's wishes.  “Husbands must never allow love for their wives to become an excuse for sin.”
4. Considerate leadership is not optional for husbands.  “Husbands cannot rightly opt out of family leadership and become passive non-participants in decisions and activities.  Neither can they rightly make the opposite mistake and exercise harsh, selfish, domineering authority in their families.”